Troubles

12/10/2011

            There’s been a few things while learning about spirituality that I’ve had a hard time with.  For the most part I’ve really been enjoying learning and getting in touch with my spiritual side and have agreed and understood a lot of it.  Maybe it’s the science side of me, being a science teachers daughter, that is having trouble with these few things…

            The other day we were talking about creativity and where it comes from.  I don’t think of myself as a very creative person, I have my moments, but for the most part no; I came to the conclusion that it’s because creativity comes from the heart/soul, and I often times over-think things.  This meaning that my brain blocks my creativity.  At the end of this lesson, our instructors told us that it’s not that “we’re” creative, or that they’re “our” thoughts, but that the spirits are just using our bodies to carry out messages.  I didn’t like this; maybe because I don’t have a greater understanding or belief of Gods and what we as humans exactly even are, or maybe because I like thinking that I have control of my thoughts and actions because they’re “mine”.

            The second thing was something we did today, and it bothered me even more – we were practicing focus and concentration (which I thought was very important, understood the purpose, and enjoyed), but the lesson was that when we focus, we can control things.  We were each given a lit candle and told to become it’s friend…spending an entire hour in silence, just focused on the flame.  Supposedly once we had achieved this level of consciousness we would be able to tell the flame to get bigger, or smaller, to lean to the left and then to the right, that we would be able to calm the flames flicker with the calming of our thoughts.  Either I didn’t connect with my flame on a high enough level of focus, or my thought that this is literally impossible because of air flow, and differences is the wicks is true…I’d like to see someone move the candle across the room only using their thoughts.  I’m thinking it’s the second one, unless of course, I’m just spiritually naïve.